My Life - My Fibro

 It’s a while since I’ve posted, mainly because life has been such an effort over the last two months. I mentioned in my earlier post that I had strained a muscle in my back and had found it incredibly painful. I have had it happen occasionally in previous years, but this was the most painful and I’m struggling to get back to some kind of normal.  Do we have a normal with fibro?  I’m trying to find humour in everything that I struggle with and with some things it’s easy - like trying to put on leggings, jeggings or tights and if I manage to Put one foot in, the other foot is an even bigger challenge as i try to stay upright!   Eventually, if I manage to get both legs occupied, I then have to negotiate pulling them up. Laughing at myself is the only way!  I only put them on when I’m leaving the house - one of the downsides of the colder weather as bare white legs are a no-no.  I keep a walking cane by the side of my bed and use it to help push me up from the...

 I feel I’ve let myself down, because I haven’t been posting as much as I should have, but fog and pain tend to take over and my head seems to object to anything that I might want to write. Even my journal takes a back seat. Sounds silly, but it is how it is.  The last few weeks have taught me a huge lesson.   When I moved into my new build house five years ago, I had to employ someone to dig out some beds for me, lay some paving and plant some trees. I would have preferred to do it myself, but no way could I have laid paving, so I employed a local company whom I knew of. The owner came along to look at the garden and to get an idea of what I would like. He was lovely and had recently stepped down from doing all the heavy work as he was gradually accepting retirement. When I explained how I loved gardening, even though limited, he asked if I liked walking. Of course, I said yes,  and I do.  His words make more sense to me now than they did then as he said “Enjoy...

 I was reading an article today about how important it is for your heart, to have a restful nights sleep, but we also know that that’s really hard to achieve - or is it just me!  Of course, the doctor will prescribe something and my something was amitriptyline along with an antidepressant.  Unfortunately, the amitriptyline left me so heavy headed that it was lunch time before I could lift my head up and that meant That I often didn’t make it into work.  I did give it a fair try, but I was a single mum with a house to run and a mortgage to pay and I needed to work. Luckily, I had a friend who often went on holiday to America and she brought me back some melatonin which was easily available over there. Also, Fibromyalgia was (and I believe, still is) more accepted in America too and she was able to bring back a video recording of someone giving advice on living with fibro and how to manage every day tasks such as hair washing, etc. I did find the melatonin much easier ...

When I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, my consultant asked me about my childhood and believed that the abuse I received had contributed towards it.  I think he could have been right as I was diagnosed with IBS at quite a young age too.  This is a a part of a page from one of my diaries and I have never shared it with anyone, but thought I’d share it here.  ‘Our journey through life is very different to someone else’s. We make the choices we make for different reasons, whether sensible or not.  I know that people around me - family - have thought of me as a weak person, but I tolerated abuse in my marriage, for what seemed to me the safest choice and not just for me, but for those around me. I’ve shared little of the abuse that I’ve endured throughout life because I knew that others wouldn’t believe it, or couldn’t handle it.  People think ‘how could it have been so bad if I stayed’, but there was no help for me and I had two children to think about. As a child,...

 I talked a lot about smiling in my last post - too much, but it’s the way I’ve dealt with things - smile as if everything is okay; smile because it feels better than tears; smile because it makes the bad memories soften a little - People can take away many things, but not my smile. When I was working my boss always knew when I had made a mistake or was struggling with something because I always laughed to myself. I still do it now when I’ve done something silly and we do a lot of silly things with fibro fog! My day began at half five after a very sticky and unsettled night. I sat up slowly and put my feet over the side of the bed - I did have one of those bed rails fitted for a while, for me to pull myself up, but it didn’t help! You need a little more muscle power than I could manage.  So now I opt for the slow motion method. I learned from a friend, that it’s best not to stand up straight away, but to get your bearings first, otherwise a topple and a breakage come easily. M...

 Looking back over my last post, I realise how ill I must have felt on that day. None of us can really know how another person is feeling and I’ve always known that, but we can still try and understand and be compassionate.  my family have always known this strong, independent woman who never complains and never asks for help and I think that’s how they’ll always see me.   I have to accept that and maybe, take some responsibility for it, but only some. I did say that my symptoms haven’t really changed much, or affected the things that I can do, especially on better days, but fibro presents with so many health problems and it’s easy to dismiss them, or put them in the box with all the others!  Life has been tough for me in many ways, but never boring or ordinary, quite the opposite and quite complex at times, so why not fibro and all it’s complexities too!  I keep reading that it’s a neurological illness and that the brain is telling me I’m in pain, when I might ...

I've never found it easy talking about my challenges, or days, with Fibromyalgia, IBS and the effect that grief has also had on my life and symptoms.  The one thing I would like to say is that Fibromyalgia is so different for everyone, in symptoms and our handling of it. No one size fits all with this one! when I was first diagnosed twenty six years ago, I would collapse with exhaustion, or pain; I could go the whole night without sleeping; I constantly had flu like symptoms; I walked in slow motion and it felt like someone was prodding me with hot spikes; I struggled to get dressed and often slept in what I'd been wearing because I couldn't reach to take it off, or I hadn't got the energy; friends, family and my doctor actually listened; my body would itch for no reason; I managed to catch one virus after another; I fought against it and tried to carry on as if I was ok. And my IBS did not like fibro, or was it the other way around? Have things changed and how? I’m ama...

It’s twenty six years this month since I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and a lot has happened in my life since then, but not a lot has changed in the treatment of fibro, it, or acceptance of it, and  I’m still experiencing new symptoms. It’s quite a complex illness and may be part of the reason that most people find it hard to believe it exists, and that invariably makes me seem to be a hypochondriac. Friends are the kindest, but family think it’s all in my head, I’m sure.  When I look at the list of problems I’ve encountered, I guess it’s not surprising that people find it hard to accept, but I’ve never been a lazy person and if people really thought about it, they might realise that I’ve never given in to illness. I’ve always worked hard to support my children and enable them in their goals, whatever they were,  and they’re both now in skilled, professional and worthwhile positions.  I am proud of that. It’s been a hilly road and I’ve had many ups and downs along...

I received an email from a friend who had seen a photograph of myself and my family on Facebook and she commented on how happy we all looked.  I smiled at how easily we can fool the camera. It was an afternoon out with the family and every other family seemed to have the same idea, so patience was a little bit frayed, but as soon as the camera came out for a selfie, we all laughed at the appropriate time. I'm not saying that we were unhappy, but if we had been, the smiles would still have been there for the camera. It really made me think of how I have lived most of my life, as do many others. Having said that, I am so grateful for my smile. yes, I make myself smile a lot of the time, because I can; because I'm alive; because it makes me feel better; and because a lot of people smile back. and isn't that a good reason :-) However ill I become, or how unbearable the pain; or how annoying the IBS is sometimes; or when the fog stops me from thinking properly or forming sentenc...

 Growing up wasn't an easy time for me. I had four siblings, but for some reason my mum took a dislike of me from a very young age. Abuse became a part of my everyday life. There was no one to talk to and who would have believed me if I had? Times were a lot different then, but sadly, it does still happen in homes today. I look back and wonder how I knew how to find a way of coping - how to let my head escape the pain - emotionally and physically. Somehow, I did. I don't know if I believe in guardian angels, but if I did, I'd know that they were the reason I am still alive, because I did find that escape in nature. I don't have many memories of childhood, but I do have fond memories of my dad taking us for a walk through the local wood on a Sunday afternoon and I fell in love with nature. Of course, I was away from mum too and they were very special moments when I didn't have to be afraid of what she might do next, as she never came with us. But that feeling remaine...