An Angel on my shoulder?

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 Looking back over my last post, I realise how ill I must have felt on that day. None of us can really know how another person is feeling and I’ve always known that, but we can still try and understand and be compassionate.  my family have always known this strong, independent woman who never complains and never asks for help and I think that’s how they’ll always see me.  

I have to accept that and maybe, take some responsibility for it, but only some.

I did say that my symptoms haven’t really changed much, or affected the things that I can do, especially on better days, but fibro presents with so many health problems and it’s easy to dismiss them, or put them in the box with all the others! 

Life has been tough for me in many ways, but never boring or ordinary, quite the opposite and quite complex at times, so why not fibro and all it’s complexities too!  I keep reading that it’s a neurological illness and that the brain is telling me I’m in pain, when I might not be; or that the pain I’m feeling seems worse than it really is. I keep trying to get my head around it and look for explanations as to why I wake up in the night with shooting pains in my knees and legs; why my legs burn terribly some days and not others;  why my skin gets  is so sore to touch and I have to be very careful what type of clothing I wear; I can sometimes get changed four or five times in a day!  Why my balance isn’t so good and I have to keep catching myself. Why does everything take so long to heal. Is it all neurological?  I would like to understand better and I think it would help somehow.

Life isn’t easy, but it’s still good.  I’ve survived a lot of things and someone thought I was worth saving -  someone up there cares. At least, that’s how I feel, because how would this small unloved child have survived so much and still be enjoying her life and smiling.

It’s been quite humid here today and we’re having thunderstorms, which I hope will clear the air and maybe, give me a little more energy.  I haven’t been able to go out for the occasional short walk, but I still smile and get on with my stretching - I know I wouldn’t be able to move if I didn’t!  And it’s good for me mentally too - or so I keep being told, lol.  I think they’re right in that though, but not everyone can. I do, but to stop me from screaming, I put on some music and sing instead.  Mornings are slow, and if you saw me, you’d quite give up on me I’m sure - brain fog follows me around and I find making decisions difficult.  But however I’m feeling, I can still smile and nothing changes that. I feel very blessed.

I’m not a writer, or a doctor and not good with words, but I do have fibromyalgia and IBS and manage them as best I can and feel so lucky that I can do that at home for now, and thought I night share a little of how I feel with others struggling with their health conditions.

Life is good to me and I have lots of hobbies and interests, and I love being outdoors, even if it’s only in my garden shed! I do what I can for nature and I know it looks after me in return.

Growing up I wanted to save everyone in the world and make them well and happy - unrealistic, but I was young.  In my late teens, I decided I wanted to be a politician and change people’s lives for the better - still unrealistic. Now, in my older years, I would like to live in a peaceful, loving, pain free world and though it might still be unrealistic, I live in hope.

I wish you all pain free days and lots of reasons to smile.

Namaste 


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