‘Before I came here, I was confused about this subject. Having listened to your lecture, I am still confused. But on a higher level’ Enrico Fermi

 It’s seven fifteen in the morning and I’m trying to motivate myself into leaving my bed and getting washed and dressed.  It’s such an effort at the moment, but there is still lots I have to do if I’m to make it feel like home.  I didn’t sleep well again and every movement hurts. My cat is the only one here to hear me groan and she’s used to it. 

My alarm is set for six, but Sherbert began making a noise at four, because she knew I was awake and wanted breakfast - it’s the only time I see her. I resisted and didn’t move out of bed until after six - I really didn’t feel like moving, but when I did, I began singing to distract from how I felt. My first stop was the bathroom; my second was sitting on the staircase and having a rare cuddle with my rescue baby; the third was making sure she has fresh water and food; the fourth was a cup of coffee for me which I brought back to bed to drink and listen to the news, before I meditated. The news can be quite depressing at the moment, especially with so much mention of a possible war with Russia. It’s chilling!  And not just Russia! 

I mostly share my meditation with DavidJi and some lovely Insights Timer fellow members.  It’s been part of my routine for more years than I care to admit to - a long, long, time, and not just in the morning - evenings too. You might even find me meditating inwardly in the dentist, sitting by the sea,  or anytime that life becomes a little overwhelming.  Or, a lot!

Moving forward a day.  I began this post yesterday morning, but didn’t get back to adding to it. I knew that I had friends visiting today and wanted to tidy and clean before they arrived. It’s also my friend’s birthday soon and I wanted to have her gift wrapped and ready. I had bought it a while back in preparation for posting, as she lives a few hours away, so it was lovely when I knew she’d be visiting. 

A strange thing happened to me a couple of days ago and I’m still not sure why. It may be connected to my fibro; or stress related, or an allergic reaction, but if it doesn’t go away, I’ll have to try and see a doctor. And I really don’t like going to my surgery.  Coming back to my problem, I’ve avoided having a bath since I moved here, as It’s a struggle to get out , but I was hurting so much that I decided to risk a soak and ran a bath. It seemed ok when I got in and didn’t feel too hot and I eventually managed to get out with great effort. My muscles just don’t work well when it comes to pulling myself up!  I dried myself and went down to the kitchen to retrieve my food from the oven - an easy tea and ready for me. I fed my girl, took my meal upstairs to sit more comfy on the bed and caught sight of my legs as I passed my landing mirror. I was shocked to see that there were really bright red marks all along the leg, back and front, below the knee, as if I had burnt them.  My first thought was the water - maybe it was too hot and had burnt me. My skin burns most of the time (so much that I worry I might self combust, if that’s possible) so I may not have noticed how hot the water actually was and I didn’t think to check it first.   I was really annoyed with myself for letting it happen.  And I was in panic mode and could feel my heart pounding. I reached for a tub of antiseptic cream and smothered my legs with it to ease the burn - if that’s what it was. Or to calm an infection, if that’s what it was. I couldn’t settle, but took an antihistamine, hoping that might help if it was an allergic reaction to something, though I didn’t know what. 

Forward a day again.  My legs had eased a little, though still looking as if I had burned them, but my head was so heavy and hazy. Not quite sure why, but possibly the antihistamine which was a more expensive one than I would normally take, and despite some fresh air, it stayed with me for the day.  Not sure I’ll be taking another!  I will, however, persevere between smoothing aloe gel, or sudocrem on my burning skin. 

Fibro related,or something else?  Such a complex illness and seems to surprise me every day.

I hope your day has been less stressful and confusing than mine.

Namaste