‘You can’t always control what goes on outside, but you can always control what goes on inside’. Wayne Dyer.

 I am trying.

Today, I really, really, embarrassed myself!  And, I think, embarrassed the person I was with. I could see that she didn’t know how to handle it, which made it even worse. 

The problem I talked about in my last post, is unresolved and still a problem as I have over time,  presented with far more symptoms.  But, of what?

The list is endless and could, just almost, be fibro related, but somehow I don’t believe they are.  I did the dreaded google thing, entered all my symptoms, and up came “an allergic reaction’, especially to damp. As I recently moved into a rented property - a listed cottage - I wondered if that could be the reason. Friends and relatives who visited, also mention that it could be damp and I purchased a dehumidifier, which has been running day and night to no avail. The readings still seem high to me and unsuitable for people with a chronic illness. My symptoms are ‘nausea, dizziness, headaches, sore throat, taste loss, lethargy, breathlessness, sore and itching body, and digestive changes’ which I guess could all be attributed to fibro.   However, having spoken to various health professionals, they all came up with an allergy. But to what?   I have a cat, but I’ve kept cats for nearly forty years, with no problems.  Mites - I don’t think so.  After chatting for some length to my doctor’s receptionist, i managed to make an appointment to see a clinician. But, I am still thinking damp!

With that in mind and a lot of thinking to get the wording right, I emailed my landlord’s office and explained my problem and could, I believe, be caused by damp.  It wasn’t well received and they were quite offended by the insinuation that there may be damp in the property.   It didn’t feel it was an insinuation to me, as I had been quite direct and open, but it played on my mind. I rang the office and apologised for my wording and would appreciate a visit.  There isn’t and never has been, any visible evidence of mold in the house, and I’ve been very careful to manage everything I do purposely.

To move forward, the agent called this afternoon and said there was no chance of the presence of mold in any of their properties and I shouldn’t be using the dehumidifier so often. I should keep windows open at all times, which I haven’t been doing because of my cat, and my allergy could be caused by anything. She told me to carry on as if the house was mine and do all the usual things that produce steam - bathing showering, cooking, etc., as it wasn’t the problem. She said to me “you’ve got to look after yourself and you’re not” and this was my trigger point. I could feel the tears welling up and was doing my best not to let it show. I was, unfortunately, quite emotional and apologised for the tears and explained that I really wasn’t feeling well and it was getting me down.  But how embarrassing!! Really!  I remember once having the same thing happen in my doctor’s surgery, when he said he was sorry, but couldn’t help with my pain any more. 

So, here I am, not really knowing how I feel about the whole thing. When she saw how emotional I was, she did say that if I was unhappy,  they would try and relet the property so long as I payed the rental until they had found someone.  I’m not unhappy, I’m unwell.  To me, there’s a difference. 

So, could it really be the stress of moving that’s brought on so many health conditions at the same time, or is it really an allergy? Or is something more sinister?   Lots of these symptoms do overlap, I think.

My clinician appointment is in a weeks time and I’m trying to remain positive and hope that it’s something that can be managed.  How many times have I been here in this situation, wondering. 

How many times have you been here?  

Dealing with constant ill health isn’t easy, especially when you  live alone,  and I hope I can be forgiven the odd, accidental tear, especially when someone says something nice. It shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of.

But that is just how I feel, sadly.

Now, I am going to try and take a short walk and hope the fresh air will give me a new perspective on the day and maybe, make me smile.   I do love being outdoors - it’s my therapy and always has been.

Wishing you all a peaceful, well and pain free day.

Namaste