My Life - My Fibro

  I remember watching an episode of Loose Women in which Janet Street Porter was on the panel and she said something that surprised, but pleased me, in a way.  It was honest.  She said that as she gets older, something new drops off every day - meaning, I guess,  that she seems to have a new symptom, or health problem daily. And she doesn’t have Fibromyalgia! But it does sound familiar to me. This last few days have really challenged me and the mornings, especially, have been really hard and I think it’s during times when I feel so ill, that I miss someone being around. It’s one of those odd things, isn’t it?  Sometimes, all I want to do is be alone as I think I can handle it better, but I also miss someone being around to pop the kettle on, or distract me with their chatter, or just to give me a hug.   Near the end of August, I had a dose of Covid (or a dodgy test which was undecided) and I have struggled to shake it off.  On September 21st, I began w...

The above quote landed in my inbox today, but I have no idea where it came from or who might have sent it.  And it didn’t arrive once, but four times.  Now, is that divine intervention, or just someone up there keeping an eye on me.  I really mustn’t quit. In 2016, I lost two of the loves of my life.  In September, my partner died after a short illness, and in November, someone who has been by my side through thick and thin, died after a longer illness - that man was Leonard Cohen.  It’s been a lifelong love affair (and no, we’ve never met) and his songs have kept me going through tough times - times when I wondered if I could.  After losing my partner, I did wonder…… The last couple of days have really been an effort, especially the fatigue.  It’s been an effort to motivate myself to do anything, even just to clean my teeth, but my partner did; Leonard did; and so must I.  I was particularly reminded of the following poem - one of his later ones....

There was a time, before fibro,  when I loved to write and kept a journal regularly - needless to say I have quite a few now, though not many recent ones - I still write about my days, bit it’s very hit and miss. I’m not sure why.  Sometimes, I wonder if there was ever a time before fibro, but yes, there was,  and I know because my journals tell me so - they detail my days when my children were growing up, and the different jobs I was able to fit in with being a mum. They were busy days, but I was also dealing with unaddressed trauma and it was slowly taking its toll on me.  However, they say that a busy mind is a happier mind and it allowed me to shut out the things I didn’t want to see.  I guess, for some, having a blog is similar to keeping a journal and one that won’t be lost, and therefore, I must endeavor to add to it more regularly and detail my days - I might be glad of it one day. Emotions were my prompt today and since having fibro, I seem to be more s...