‘If you are tired, learn to rest. Not to Quit!’

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The above quote landed in my inbox today, but I have no idea where it came from or who might have sent it.  And it didn’t arrive once, but four times.  Now, is that divine intervention, or just someone up there keeping an eye on me.  I really mustn’t quit.

In 2016, I lost two of the loves of my life.  In September, my partner died after a short illness, and in November, someone who has been by my side through thick and thin, died after a longer illness - that man was Leonard Cohen.  It’s been a lifelong love affair (and no, we’ve never met) and his songs have kept me going through tough times - times when I wondered if I could.  After losing my partner, I did wonder……

The last couple of days have really been an effort, especially the fatigue.  It’s been an effort to motivate myself to do anything, even just to clean my teeth, but my partner did; Leonard did; and so must I. 

I was particularly reminded of the following poem - one of his later ones.

The Goal.

I can't leave my houseOr answer the phoneI'm going down againBut I'm not alone
Settling at lastAccounts of the soulThis for the trashThat paid in full
As for the fall, it began long agoCan't stop the rainCan't stop the snow
I sit in my chairI look at the streetThe neighbour returnsMy smile of defeat
I move with the leavesI shine with the chromeI'm almost aliveI'm almost at home
No one to followAnd nothing to teachExcept that the goalFalls short of the reach

It was clearly how he was feeling at the time of writing, but he didn’t quit and went on to write and record more, his last album being released shortly before his death.

I wanted to write about my feelings, while I am feeling them.  Not in a negative, complaining way, but just to share; just to be honest.  I know that Leonard Cohen had been ill with Leukemia for a few years and his later songs and poems reflected his feelings as he faced the approach to the end of his life.  The one thing I loved about him was the way he wrote about his feelings and his words are quite relatable and I loved him more the older he became and his voice changed. Anyway, I’m getting distracted again!  I don’t share his talent for words, but I wish I did.

When he wrote this, and others, he knew that he didn’t have long to live, while I, on the other hand, have no idea how long I have to live, but I somehow relate to the words of this poem and wanted to share it with you today. It describes some of how I’ve been feeling.

Be kind to yourselves.

Namaste

Tina





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