My Life - My Fibro

I've never been a time waster, therefore, I love the John Lennon quote  "Time is not wasted, if you enjoy wasting it". I love reading, meditation, playing with my cat, chatting sometimes, sitting on the garden swing - all time wasting, but not for me, because the psychological benefits are worth it. These time wasters make me smile; make me feel good; make me realize that life is worth the effort! Yes, I'm ashamed to admit it, but some days it does feel such an effort to get up! Oh, the first thing in the morning when my head just will not work and I gaze into my wardrobe and see everything, but have no idea what to put on. I sit on the bed, often close to tears, take a deep breath, smile and look again. I go for something comfortable and easy to wear, though I don't really want 'easy' - I want to wear something that says 'I feel good today', even if I don't. The mins is a powerful thing! I have tried choosing my clothes the night before, bu...

When I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, seventeen years ago, I knew nothing about it and neither did my doctor. Since then, I have spent hours researching; read books; chatted to fellow sufferers; visited my doctor's surgery more times than I would have liked - and I still know little about it! What I do know is that I have to stay positive; exercise when I can; smile when I can; do when I can! I think that ones my biggest worries, is not knowing how I will be when I'm older and will I be able to make others understand how I am feeling. I recently lost my dear dad to Alzheimer's after spending the last three heartbreaking years of his life in a care home. It was difficult to tell if he was ill or in pain and he didn't always say - we didn't always understand. It's made me think a lot about my own future years. If family don't understand now, how will they then? It's a very unpredictable illness, so I may be worrying for nothing! I may have recovered ...

That first moment when I awaken from sleep, is when the world - my world - is normal. It's that second moment, when the instinct to stretch kicks in and I begin to move in reaction, is suddenly halted, because I've remembered what will happen if I do stretch. The pain, the locking of muscles - the scream. It's also in that second moment that everything else hits me. The people who are missing from my life now and I so dearly miss. The energy I once had, when I could deal with a hundred jobs in a day. The mobility I had, when my body would do as I requested. It's a funny thing, but everyone assumes they know about my illness', because they've read about them, or they know someone else who has them, but they never actually ask me how I feel - how 'it' feels - never. Well, this morning, after little sleep, I feel as if I'm recovering from a battering! My body feels painful and sore from head to toe, but more so, the shoulders and arms. I used to tel...

When I was young, I rarely spoke - little girls were seen and not heard!  But there was more to it than that; I learned that there was little difference between speaking and not speaking, as the results were much the same. I felt the hardness of hand And the coldness of voice. Why am I thinking of this now - today? I have an invisible illness that has an impact on my whole life. What I can eat; what I can do; what I can feel. It does it's utmost to stop me from having a life. If I speak of it, I'm being negative and moaning; if I don't mention it, I must be okay. If I have to cancel arrangements, I'm told that I'm mad and 'abandoning' my quality of life - it seems there's nothing wrong with me and therefore, I should be on medication just for thinking there might be. Again, it's easier to keep quiet, but I face judgement whatever I do. In between the child and the now, I worked, married into an abusive relationship, became a mum, supported and e...

When I was a teenager, I loved nothing more than a banana sandwich when I came in from school, but as I got older, I found they didn't agree with me too well and cut down - I didn't eat one for a long while. Before the fibro', I was working long hours and it eventually began to show, to the point where a customer came in and commented on how tired I looked and immediately retrieved a banana from her bag and said "eat this, it'll give you energy" and I did! I managed to eat them for some months, until again, I realised that they weren't settling on me. That was about fifteen years ago and I've avoided them since, only eating the odd one in the morning. Why am I writing about bananas?  Because I read an article a week ago about the benefits of eating bananas and one of the benefits is that they are good for the digestive system and as I'm struggling to get a grip on my IBS, I thought "why not - in for a penny, in for a pound".   I've ...