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That first moment when I awaken from sleep, is when the world - my world - is normal. It's that second moment, when the instinct to stretch kicks in and I begin to move in reaction, is suddenly halted, because I've remembered what will happen if I do stretch. The pain, the locking of muscles - the scream.
It's also in that second moment that everything else hits me. The people who are missing from my life now and I so dearly miss. The energy I once had, when I could deal with a hundred jobs in a day. The mobility I had, when my body would do as I requested.
It's a funny thing, but everyone assumes they know about my illness', because they've read about them, or they know someone else who has them, but they never actually ask me how I feel - how 'it' feels - never.
Well, this morning, after little sleep, I feel as if I'm recovering from a battering! My body feels painful and sore from head to toe, but more so, the shoulders and arms. I used to tell a friend that it felt akin to being at the bottom of a rugby scrum, because I knew she would smile and say "you should be so lucky". Lol. I am so small and light, I doubt I would survive a rugby scrum, so maybe I'm exaggerating a little there, but I can imagine and that's how I imagine I would feel. Unable to move and in tremendous pain. The strange thing is, I know that however painful it is, I know that I have to stretch my muscles, if I'm to keep on moving, but I do it carefully and with great thought.
Over the last few months, I have bought, and tried, quite a few different pillows. Springy; Firm; Soft; Foam; Microfibre; Box; Etc., but still haven't found one yet that suits me, or that might help me to wake up in a little less pain.
I usually try and avoid writing anything in the morning, because my head, my hands, my arms all rebel against it, but this morning I wanted to write about it in the moment.
Please don't think that I'm complaining, or feeling sorry for myself, because I'm not. I have a zest for life; I have lots of hobbies: I have some wonderful friends and I have my lovely cat Sparkle, who listens and loves! She's motivates me in the mornings, along with my music which goes on as soon as my head can cope. Unfortunately, I can't dance around the way I used to, but in my head, I can!
Wonderful!
Wishing everyone a happy, low pain day :-)
Love and Light.

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