‘you never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have’. Bob Marley.

It’s twenty six years this month since I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and a lot has happened in my life since then, but not a lot has changed in the treatment of fibro, it, or acceptance of it, and  I’m still experiencing new symptoms. It’s quite a complex illness and may be part of the reason that most people find it hard to believe it exists, and that invariably makes me seem to be a hypochondriac. Friends are the kindest, but family think it’s all in my head, I’m sure.  When I look at the list of problems I’ve encountered, I guess it’s not surprising that people find it hard to accept, but I’ve never been a lazy person and if people really thought about it, they might realise that I’ve never given in to illness. I’ve always worked hard to support my children and enable them in their goals, whatever they were,  and they’re both now in skilled, professional and worthwhile positions.  I am proud of that.

It’s been a hilly road and I’ve had many ups and downs along the way. I’ve spoken to people much worse than me; and I’ve spoken to people much better than me. Some people even manage to work, while still living with fibro. There’s no set pattern for the symptoms and they’re so unpredictable. At the moment, I have bruises which have been there for some months; I have cuts that do not want to heal; I have bad sinusitis and constant colds; I can sweat heavily when in bed, but still feel cold; I can walk some days and struggle others; I struggle to fasten buttons or remove lids; my hands are painful; my Ibs tries to control my days and often does; My body itches for no reason I can see; my legs burn, but when I look down they look okay;  I go into back spasm regularly; Yes, a complex illness.

On the bright side, I still live in the Hope that I’ll eventually have more good days than bad! I can still take a walk most days (weather permitting); I meditate and practice mindfulness; I feed the birds - they’ve been my therapy over the years; I smile a lot;  I keep my mind active, even if I can’t do the same with my body! Has my fibro changed over the years?  I’ve found different ways of dealing with it. For example, I now sleep on a box pillow and it eases the pain in my shoulders. I buy clothing that doesn’t have a back zip because I can’t reach behind.  And clothing with large buttons, so my hands can manage them better. I love jeggings  and jeans, but my skin is too sore now. I chuckle when I try to put on tights, which are a must in the winter weather. I try to look upon each day as a challenge, as they would be even without fibromyalgia.  I think that must be the biggest difference - I’ve learned to go with the flow and not fight it. I rest when need be, but try not to stop! 

I still love life, even on the days when I can’t manage to sit or to stand comfortably! I live life for the two best friends I lost to cancer, and the man I loved dearly - because I know they would want me too. But also, for me. 

I hope that you do too.  

Namaste