'Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you've felt that way' Charles Bukowsk.

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 Does the above quote sound familiar to you - it certainly does to me and almost every morning. It made me smile when I read it, because I thought to myself,  someone actually understands! 

I've been going through my notebooks (and there are plenty) and I found this found at the top of one of the pages and was written several years ago.

I feel so tired; my body so weary;

I've been following memories, chasing dreams,

And my thoughts don't make sense,

Do I? Don't I? Will I? Won't I?

Can I make a decision at all?   

Oh Fibro, fibvro, please leave me alone.

Fibromyalgia seems to affect everything I do. Sometimes, in a small way, but sometimes so huge I wonder if I can cope with it, but I'm still here and finding ways to accept it and flow with it when I can.  Long ago, I decided that I couldn't fight it and trying to wasn't helping me, so I talked to people; did lots of research, read books and realised that I had to be kind to myself - something I'm not good at.  Why is it we can find an abundance of kindness and compassion for others, but not always for ourselves. the concept of loving myself has never sat well with me, but I'm learning. It helps. some days, I push myself and on others I listen to my body - and take things more slowly. My life has always been busy in some way and it's so hard to adjust. Brain fog is a hard one for me, because my work - and home life - involved me using my head and now I struggle to make sense of anything sometimes  and don't ask me about my memory! And the silly things I do! 

my secret weapons for coping; Meditation; Nature; Friends; Music; Positive thoughts and quotes; Crystals; Reading and Much more. I feel quite blessed. Oh, and a warm bubbly bath with candles - I can usually get in, but I’m glad no-one can see me trying to get out! 

Lockdown and the fear of catching the virus are having their effect on my mental health, but I'm still able to take a walk most days, knowing that there'll be payback. I feel it's worth it and my love of the outdoors is keeping me going. It's where I feel at home and feel hope.

I do a lot of thinking, especially in the evening, but when I come to share those feelings, I really struggle and I'm trying to overcome that.

Have a good evening and stay safe.

Namaste


 


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