Enjoy the little things in Life .....for one day, you'll look back and realise they were the big things.

When my consultant diagnosed me, he said that a lot of his fibro patients had a traumatic childhood too and he believed that there may have been a link between the two. It may be so, but I know that for a lot of fibro sufferers, they became ill after an accident, or a bad dose of flu, or surgery. My symptoms became intense after I went into hospital for a biopsy, but I believe that it had lain dormant from a young age and the surgery brought it to life.  How many of us, I wonder, have similar personality traits too. I am a very sensitive person and tend to put everyone else before myself - I always have and think that may be because I wanted people to be happy. I couldn't hurt anyone, because I learned from a young age how that feels. I've been told that I’m very loyal, generous, forgiving and honest. Unfortunately, I've been hurt by most of the people in my life and I had to learn to accept the apology I never received. I wanted peace in my life and that wouldn't be possible if I hadn’t done that..  However, I'm not bitter at all, just incredibly lucky, because it taught me empathy and compassion for others and I decided at a young age that if people couldn't love me, I could still love them. If I hadn’t unconsciously made that decision, I’m not sure how my life would have turned out. Makes me think of Robert Frost’s ‘The road not taken’ - a favourite poem of mine.

The last few days have seen me in the middle of a flare and I have stubbornly tried to carry on as normal, especially with my daily walking. This morning I did make a conscious decision to walk half my normal distance and it might be easier on my legs, but it was such a nice morning that I forgot all about my decision and walked to the sea and back - almost an hour. Do I hurt? Yes. Am I exhausted? Yes. Do I regret it? No. Why? Because for that hour, I could feel the air on my face and the occasional peek of sun too, and it felt good and life felt a little normal, even though it isn't. I know I've said it before, but being able to go outside and feel nature, has been my lifeline - a place where I feel at home. And I will treat myself to a warm, bubbly bath surrounded with candles, and watching a favourite programme, or listening to a favourite album, and hope that the water, with added muscle therapy, will ease me for a while. I take few painkillers, because I haven't found them to help, but I do use rubbing creams, oils and a hot water bottle. My hope is that my body will gradually feel less painful, but it's a difficult one with fibro, because you are advised to move position every twenty minutes and to have exercise too. I do several stretches after my walks and I do certain yoga stances, otherwise my walks and gentle housework are my exercise. In a few weeks, my garden will need a little care and I need to be able to do that for myself. I really value that independence. When I was first diagnosed, I remember telling my doctor that I loved gardening and I was really upset at the thought of not being able to just mow my lawn. However, he told me that I would still be able to mow my lawn, but instead of doing it in one day, it would probably take four, and I guess I have to be grateful to be mowing at all. And I am. It isn't an easy illness to deal with, but I love my life and will do my upmost to live it to my best ability, while I am able. It may sound silly, but when I change my bed; or clean the kitchen; or wash my hair, I give myself a treat. Nothing major, but something simple that I know I'll enjoy - small pleasures.

It isn't easy to smile when you're whole body is hurting, but I do try and I think it helps - it always has.

And I remind myself that I've been here before - in fact worse - and I will handle it. There was a time when I couldn't even dress myself properly, but now I can do that and more. It's an up and down illness, or has been for me, and I try to make the best of the ups.

I hope my post finds you all on a good day - an Up day.  

Namaste