The first thing I did this morning was to thank Sparkle (my cat), for letting me sleep, as she hasn't let me do that for a while. I know that she wants to play, or wants some food, but I usually give her a cuddle and hope she's happy with that. She seems to be for about twenty minutes and then she begins again. I do try and pretend that I'm asleep, but she taps my face with her paw and then I give in! So, after several nights of this, I've been walking around like a zombie, so it is with relief, that she didn't make a sound until six thirty this morning. Thank you Sparkle, Thank you!
A few hours sleep - wouldn't you think I'd be feeling quite refreshed and ready to greet the day - jumping out of bed? But no! I still felt exhausted; my body still ached and is sore to touch. my eyes are tired and achey. I've been awake for an hour now and I still feel shattered! Another thing, is the number of dreams and nightmares that I have most nights. They are so ridiculous and i do try to work them out, as they're meant to mean something, but they really don't make sense. As a child, I would have the same nightmare every night, from the age of around nine until the age of fifteen. I would be in confrontation with a knight in armour and it always ended with him aiming his sword at me and stabbing me with it - i never did find out the ending, as i always woke up at that moment. Did I live, or die? The nightmares ended, but the most vicious migraines began and I would be violently sick with them.I remember being so frightened at first, but my doctor assured me that they weren't life threatening. I still have them and I know they aren't going to kill me, but I still have that jittery feeling when I know that one is coming on - when the eyes suddenly become a window of zigzags, or flashes and i close my eyes and wait for the headache that's going to follow. I try to flow with it, to somehow convince myself that if I relax, it won't be so bad. luckily, they have become fewer as I've grown older and that's a blessing, as I used to have one following another.
So - here we are - having had a good night and still feeling as if I need one! What on earth is happening in there? In a few minutes, I will have a cold water wash and mumble my mantra, as I splash my face with the coldest of water. A psychotherapist taught me that many years ago and it's still part of my morning ritual. Does it work? In that moment, it makes me feel more positive and alive, but I have to work at that feeling to make it last through the day.
Mantra's do help me. Meditation also helps me. Knowing that I have the love of friends helps and the love and companionship of my beautiful cat keeps me going. she's an old lady now, but so am I - or it feels like that some days, lol.
It still feels very cold and wintry here in North Yorkshire, but the sun is shining through the curtains and we have the promise of warmer days ahead.
Some magic dust for those of you who might need some today.
Namaste - thank you for being there.
A few hours sleep - wouldn't you think I'd be feeling quite refreshed and ready to greet the day - jumping out of bed? But no! I still felt exhausted; my body still ached and is sore to touch. my eyes are tired and achey. I've been awake for an hour now and I still feel shattered! Another thing, is the number of dreams and nightmares that I have most nights. They are so ridiculous and i do try to work them out, as they're meant to mean something, but they really don't make sense. As a child, I would have the same nightmare every night, from the age of around nine until the age of fifteen. I would be in confrontation with a knight in armour and it always ended with him aiming his sword at me and stabbing me with it - i never did find out the ending, as i always woke up at that moment. Did I live, or die? The nightmares ended, but the most vicious migraines began and I would be violently sick with them.I remember being so frightened at first, but my doctor assured me that they weren't life threatening. I still have them and I know they aren't going to kill me, but I still have that jittery feeling when I know that one is coming on - when the eyes suddenly become a window of zigzags, or flashes and i close my eyes and wait for the headache that's going to follow. I try to flow with it, to somehow convince myself that if I relax, it won't be so bad. luckily, they have become fewer as I've grown older and that's a blessing, as I used to have one following another.
So - here we are - having had a good night and still feeling as if I need one! What on earth is happening in there? In a few minutes, I will have a cold water wash and mumble my mantra, as I splash my face with the coldest of water. A psychotherapist taught me that many years ago and it's still part of my morning ritual. Does it work? In that moment, it makes me feel more positive and alive, but I have to work at that feeling to make it last through the day.
Mantra's do help me. Meditation also helps me. Knowing that I have the love of friends helps and the love and companionship of my beautiful cat keeps me going. she's an old lady now, but so am I - or it feels like that some days, lol.
It still feels very cold and wintry here in North Yorkshire, but the sun is shining through the curtains and we have the promise of warmer days ahead.
Namaste - thank you for being there.
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