“Man plans and God laughs”

I intended ro begin a new post before Christmas, and then the new year, but life takes over, doesn’t it? And here we are, almost to the end of March and thinking about Easter! 

 But that’s my life!  I think God has been having lots of chuckles at my expense, if the above adage is true. 

I’ve always loved Christmas, but it hasn’t been the same since losing my partner and a part of me died with him.  At the last minute, plans changed, and I found myself with visitors over the Christmas period, which was lovely, but I wasn’t able to join in all of their plans, as my energy waned after the first couple of days. And you all know how that feels!   But it was worth it!  I managed to fit in a visit to my favourite village on the Moors, with a visit to one of it’s tearooms, home for lunch and a rest, followed by what was meant to be a short walk along the beach, and ended up taking over an hour.  But I loved it and felt very blessed to have had the experience. The tide was almost in, it was late afternoon, the light was fading, but it all felt quite magical - one of those moments that will warm me for years to come.  Assuming I have years to come, lol. 

I was wishing the same for everyone - with or without fibro - a magical experience and memories to make you smile.

I am still trying to overcome the allergy that the cottage left me with and I’m not sure I ever will, as the spores of whatever it is, have come back with me, but I remain positive. At least I’m here - I think the cottage would have finished me off, I really do. And I’m not quite ready to go yet.  I’ve been doing a lot of research regarding fibro and allergies and it seems that chronic allergic rhinitis and fibro go hand in hand and I never knew.  It still amazes me how many other problems it can cause, or that run hand in hand. It’s quite a learning curve.

I’m now into May - my apologies - and yes, that man up there is still chuckling at my expense.

I don’t quite know what’s happening to me at the moment - maybe a fibro flare, but life is an effort, from getting dressed in the morning, to preparing for sleep in the evening, if it comes.  It’s a long time since I had such a flare as this and I’m hoping it isn’t going to be permanent.  As we all know, painkillers don’t really help and I am still trying to exercise. Luckily, I’ve been practicing yoga for forty years now, off and on, and although the stretches might have me screaming, I know how important it is to do them. And I am grateful too. I’m also trying to eat more healthily, with full fat Greek yoghurt and fruit for breakfast with some sourdough toast. I’m not supposed to eat butter, but it is something I am struggling to give up, as nothing is as enjoyable without it.  I may have to one day, I know. I cook everything in olive oil and have done for years. Eat lots of veg and no meat or fish, though fish should be a must, but I can’t bring myself to eat anything that has been living and breathing. I’ve been that way since I was a child and took many a beating because of it. I did, however, cook meat for my family and when they were old enough, they decided for themselves. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve done a lot of research on diet and advice does vary quite a lot, so it’s trial and error, I think. 

A topic that has been hitting our news this week, is the fact that doctors do not take female patients seriously and accept that they do have the pain they describe.  I would totally agree with that and hope that it might mean change, if there is enough publicity about it, but I’m not hopeful.

I am fortunate enough to live by the sea and I have family coming up to stay close by.  They are aware of my health problems and I don’t want to let them down, or miss that precious time - it’s important to me and to them. It’s been two years since I saw them, so I really want to be able to join them in some activities and meals out, even if it means there’ll be payback afterwards,  it’s not a lot to ask, is it? 

I watched a young man on the news this morning who was speaking about his younger brother who had committed suicide at the age of fifteen and how he had begun a blog to help people who might be feeling in that frame of mind. He called it ‘Reasons to stay’ and I thought about it a lot. I feel I’ve been lucky to reach the age that I have, having survived an abusive childhood and marriage, though I still bear the scars, physically and mentally, but I don’t remember a time when I wanted to give up. I found something inside that kept me going, but were they also my reasons to stay. I don’t see myself as a strong person, but when I doubt myself, I have to remind myself of the challenges I have overcome to get here. And there have been many!  I also question why I am still here when I’ve lost my dearest friends to cancer. We were diagnosed at the same time and supported each other, and I still miss them terribly. However, I also value the moments more so - for them and for me.  

It’s been a pleasantly warm day today - a touch of summer and I have enjoyed some gentle weeding in the garden. It’s the little things, isn’t it?  They’re my reasons to stay strong 😊

I wish I had a magic wand and could make everyone well and all pain disappear - if only. 

Enjoy the little things, because one day you’ll look back and realise they were the big things.

Namaste! 

Tina