'Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow'. Mary Anne Radmacher

 I remember a friend once saying to me "you're always in pain, but I never see you cry" and I told her that I did cry, but only when I was alone and that is still the case. It reminds me of the Everly Brothers song Crying in the Rain (yes, I am that old) - no one can tell you're crying then and I have done that.

I've also done the above - told myself that I'll try again tomorrow, but I'm not sure that it's courage I'm feeling, but determination not let my illness win. I usually try and go to sleep with the thought in my head that tomorrow is another day.....but I like this quote and it does inspire me sometimes.

In my last post, I spoke of my need for a warm soak to soothe the aches a little, but what I didn’t say was that on the days that I manage to lower myself into a bath, I always have a phone closely by in case I can’t pull myself back out. Oh, what a thought - I really dread it happening and would be so embarrassed. Once I’ve managed to climb out of the bath, I have to sit on a stool for five minutes before I can begin to think of drying myself. An occupational therapist told me to buy a hooded, towelling style dressing gown and instead of trying to dry myself, just put it on and let it do the drying for me and I did. Of course, it doesn’t dry my feet and may not be perfect, but it does make life easier. And While I can still take the occasional bath, I’m very grateful. 

Today, although frosty, turned into a lovely taste of spring - and I do love spring and I’m always pleased when we enter into March. It’s hard to believe that it’s almost a year since the beginning of our first lockdown due to the pandemic and I still only venture out for exercise. Mostly I try to take my walk in the morning and it leaves me the rest of the day to do the things I've been putting off. well, that's the plan, but it rarely works out that way because I need to rest after walking and suddenly the day's disappeared on me. Another thing about mornings, is the brain fog and I find it hard to make decisions and what to wear is one of those decisions. Today, I must have tried on three outfits before I made a decision and then got changed again because I was feeling cold. While having my breakfast, I thought it might be better to wear jeans and comfy shoes, but as I was putting on my coat, I realised that I hadn't put on my jeans after all, but some thick black tights, though still with those same comfy shoes and I wasn't happy. So, I changed in to a pair of jeans and set off on my walk feeling better, though later than intended. I was never dithery pre fibro and I can only put it down to my confused brain. Leaving my clothes out ready for the next day doesn't work for me - I've tried it - I still change my mind. And jeans aren't the best idea for me either, as the skin on my legs is always sore (Allodynia), but I do choose ones that are light and soft and a little easier to wear. Joggers would probably be better, but I can never find some that are neat and well fitting on my small frame. Hence, a good chunk of my day is spent making decisions!

I tell myself that all these things make life a little more interesting and I am so lucky to be able to do the things I can do. I know that some people think I lead a boring life and maybe that comes across in my post, but I really don't. And I'm not complaining - it's my journey - my adventure.

I have a sign hung up in my shed and it says "Life is Beauty Full" and it's the beauty that I look for.

I hope you do too.

Namaste