‘Going to the mountains is like going home’. John Muir

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I usually get up about six o’clock and make myself a drink which I take back to my bedroom to drink while watching the news headlines. It’s still dark out and I find it cosier sitting on my bed - comfortable too. I’ve always had the strangest dreams, though they’ve become stranger since my partner died, and I do my best to try and make sense of them.  I rarely manage to! Mornings are slow and achey, but I know how lucky I am to be able to look after myself, especially in present times. 
The quote by John Muir is one of my favourites, because it explains how I feel about being outdoors - it’s like going home. It’s the place where I feel most at peace and where I feel I belong. I’m very lucky to have a garden, but looking after it isn’t easy for me and I may have to think of looking for somewhere with a courtyard rather than a large garden, though I think that’s in the distance. 
When I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, my doctor knew little about it and told me to look in the library - no google then - and I did, but without success and a friend brought me a book back from America. Since then, there have been many available here and I now have a few, but there’s loads of information on the internet too. Unfortunately, my present doctor told me it doesn’t exist and I’ve often left his surgery in tears.  Yesterday evening, I gave a lot of thought to my post - I think too much - and I hadn’t mentioned the painful hands and the fact that I drop things - last night, a bottle of red wine - just a small one. I hadn’t mentioned how sore my skin is to touch or how sometimes, it burns or itches and how, sometimes, I think something is crawling up my leg, but it isn’t. How hard it is some days to make decisions or deal with paperwork, because I can’t concentrate. It’s a very complex illness and I try to treat it with humour, because I know that I’m so lucky to have the things I have. Simple things, like food and drink; running water and hot when I need it to be; a warm home and clothes; and so much more.  
I’m not good at waking in the night - they’re my worst times, but but being grateful for every moment helps with the days. I craft, I knit, I walk, I play music, watch tv and I sing. On bad days, I make myself sing louder. I hope I can always use these tools to help me cope, not just with the fibromyalgia, but with my grief too. Thank you for reading, take care and stay safe. Namaste

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