The world has become a scary place......

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Wow! It's been a long time since my last post and the world has changed!  Sadly, my world indoors has changed too. Four days ago, I said goodbye to my beautiful fur baby Sparkle and it broke my heart. She was a rescue cat and nearly twenty, though you would never have believed it, as she still looked like a kitten. Since losing my partner, she has been my constant companion and I’m feeling quite lost and empty. I‘m sure I wouldn’t have made it through lockdown without her and the love she has given to me. Nine days before losing her, she began to get a little wobbly on her hind legs and couldn’t jump to the high places where she liked to hide. I rang the vets and made an appointment - not easy in these times - for the following day. My daughter took her along, as I’ve been shielding, and after blood and urine tests they found she had a kidney disease and arthritis. Unfortunately, they couldn’t give her pain killers, because of the kidney disease and my poor girl deteriorated over the following days. She couldn’t control her legs and I was having to carry her wherever she wanted to go. She was so distressed.  I slept on the floor to be close if she needed me and she slept alongside of me with her little paw on my hand. I really felt she was comforting me and my heart was so full of love and pride for this little being.  She was a rescue cat, having been beaten and left to die in a refuse sack, but her injuries had finally caught up with her. I’m so amazed by her bravery and her strength. Whenever we looked at each other, she would give out a little cry and I knew it was time. The day I lost her, she wouldn’t move except to eat and drink from the dishes I placed beside her. We held hands for the whole day until it was time for her to go to the vets and I couldn’t be with her at the end. Even now, as I write this, tears are falling. I can’t believe my baby has gone and my days seem endless without her. I was very lucky to have this little girl in my life for so long and I hope that one day, if I have to, I can be as strong and as brave as she was. 
The thing about fibromyalgia is that it’s very stress related and since losing my girl, I’ve been so physically and emotionally exhausted. I feel so lucky that I was able to find the energy to be with her while she needed me. We can push ourselves, can’t we?, but eventually there is payback.  I haven’t left the boundaries of my house in twelve weeks and feel blessed to have a garden, but I am going to have to start venturing out soon, but I want to feel stronger first.  I don’t know about anyone else who suffers with fibromyalgia, but if I catch something, I always have it worse than anyone else and that worries me. Once I begin leaving the house, the risk of catching Coronavirus is there and I do find it more than a little scary. I’m meditating often; Practicing mindfulness; trying to eat healthily and trying to be positive. I want to join the thousands of others who maybe feel as I do, but are still getting on with their lives. 
Take care and stay safe.
Namaste

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