-
Gosh - almost the middle of May already!  My head is still in a blur and I never seem to be aware of the day or the date and I still have lots to sort out. the trouble with fibro, is that it takes longer to do things and to get your head around things and no one seems to understand that.  I remember when my doctor first told me that I had fibromyalgia. I had never heard of it and he knew little about it, but he did know that it involved muscle pain and chronic fatigue. I was still trying to work full time, lived alone and enjoyed gardening, walking, socialising, etc. and I was visibly upset. he did, however, explain that I would still be able to do these things, but in moderation - what the average person would do in a day, would take me four days!  This week, I've been trying to tidy up the garden and it is a huge garden! I love it out there, but I am finding it quite daunting, because as fast as I tidy one area, another area needs my attention.  I have spent two full days mowing the lawns and chopping up lots of dead branches and cuttings, which have been lying there since my partner passed away - I couldn't keep putting it off! after filling my garden waste bin to the full and also, three sacks of cuttings, I was happy with myself and what I had achieved. I knew that I would suffer for it - inflated aches and pains - but I wasn't prepared for this exhaustion. I took it easy yesterday, but today I am still finding it an effort to walk around the house and garden - my body is saying No! but I will not be beaten!
This weekend, I find that I have double booked (foggy head) and have two lots of visitors coming to see me. I'm hoping that I can recover a little energy, at least to be able to enjoy their company, but I worry so much in case they can see that I'm not good and I think it makes me worse. However, I am looking forward to seeing everyone and I know it will give me a much needed lift.
The thing that strikes me most about fibro, is how it varies from day to day and person to person. I remember when I was first diagnosed and I tried to find a support group locally. there was only one and I rang and spoke to the lady who was running it who was very pleasant, but asked me if I was covered in bruises and when I replied 'no', she told me that I could look forward to it - I didn't attend the group, and although I do bruise easily, they're not as bad as anticipated. We're all different! There have been times when I could barely dress myself and they passed to times when I could barely walk, or times when the pain was constant and severe. For me, it changes. I don't know if it will always be so, but for now, I know that I am very lucky 😊 I have found that I cannot wear a dress that zips up the back, because it's too painful to zip it up to the top, so I look for dress that buttons up or have no zip at all, just elasticated. On the odd occasion that I do want to wear a favourite dress, I wear a shrug over it and hide the part that isn't zipped up properly! just awkward if I become too warm 😂
I still find it hard to believe that my partner has gone and I still weep a lot, but I do know that every moment I have is special, because I'm still here. I practice mindfulness and try to appreciate, and live, in the moment. it isn't easy, but I am sure it helps me through.
we're coming up to the weekend and I hope that you all have a well, low pain weekend with smiles woven in.
Namaste

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Be careful what you wish for ………

-
 A lot has happened since my last post and I think my heading explains a lot! I’m not sure that moving into a listed cottage was really what I wished for, but I was persuaded to think that it was.  It was an idyllic place to be, within a valley, but with sea views and somewhere that I knew well and had happy memories of.  My house went up for sale, and off I went with plenty of helping hands, and the first six weeks were hard work, but I didn’t mind because I was falling in love with the place. And I thought it liked me!  I mentioned in my previous posts that several people I had spoken to - pharmacists, nurses and friends, had suggested that it was an allergy to damp and though my doctor couldn’t say for certain that it was damp, he was sure that the humidity in the cottage was much too high, which we know can lead to damp. Having searched everywhere, I found no evidence of mold, but was told that it could be within the walls, or ceilings and covered up. That was ce...
Read more

‘You can’t always control what goes on outside, but you can always control what goes on inside’. Wayne Dyer.

-
 I am trying. Today, I really, really, embarrassed myself!  And, I think, embarrassed the person I was with. I could see that she didn’t know how to handle it, which made it even worse.  The problem I talked about in my last post, is unresolved and still a problem as I have over time,  presented with far more symptoms.  But, of what? The list is endless and could, just almost, be fibro related, but somehow I don’t believe they are.  I did the dreaded google thing, entered all my symptoms, and up came “an allergic reaction’, especially to damp. As I recently moved into a rented property - a listed cottage - I wondered if that could be the reason. Friends and relatives who visited, also mention that it could be damp and I purchased a dehumidifier, which has been running day and night to no avail. The readings still seem high to me and unsuitable for people with a chronic illness. My symptoms are ‘nausea, dizziness, headaches, sore throat, taste loss, lethargy...
Read more

‘Before I came here, I was confused about this subject. Having listened to your lecture, I am still confused. But on a higher level’ Enrico Fermi

-
 It’s seven fifteen in the morning and I’m trying to motivate myself into leaving my bed and getting washed and dressed.  It’s such an effort at the moment, but there is still lots I have to do if I’m to make it feel like home.  I didn’t sleep well again and every movement hurts. My cat is the only one here to hear me groan and she’s used to it.  My alarm is set for six, but Sherbert began making a noise at four, because she knew I was awake and wanted breakfast - it’s the only time I see her. I resisted and didn’t move out of bed until after six - I really didn’t feel like moving, but when I did, I began singing to distract from how I felt. My first stop was the bathroom; my second was sitting on the staircase and having a rare cuddle with my rescue baby; the third was making sure she has fresh water and food; the fourth was a cup of coffee for me which I brought back to bed to drink and listen to the news, before I meditated. The news can be quite depressing at the...
Read more