'Some people feel the rain, others just get wet'. Bob Marley.

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I can't believe that we're into April!  It's been almost seven months since I lost my partner and, although my head knows that he'll not be coming back, my heart is still waiting - still hoping that it might have been a dream. I go through the motions of each day, but the joy is missing. It's a wonderful time of year and we would have been seeing the garden awaken together, but I have this great sadness of witnessing it alone. It's quite amazing that what looked dead two weeks ago, is now showing signs of life. Birds are nesting and the days are fooling me into later evening meals as I don't realise what time it is. The garden, though, is my therapy and I chatter away while I'm working. It's a huge garden and was beginning to feel too much for the two of us, but I'm doing my best and hope that he'd be proud of me.
Unfortunately, I have this complicated friend thing called Fibromyalgia and it doesn't really like me gardening! I'm very grateful for what it does allow me to do and luckily, that's been a lot over the last year, but I have upset it and I am paying for it. Mornings are slow (but I am grateful to have them) and I wonder how I'll make it through the rest of the day, as getting dressed is sometimes a feat in itself. Just the decision of what clothes to wear is enormous! At the moment, I'm finding it hard to let anything touch my skin - you know that feeling? There are times that I just want to tear my clothes off, because I can't bear them next to my skin - okay if I'm indoors!  But then, I sit on the bed with my beautiful cat Sparkle making those funny little sounds, talking to me, and I laugh about how silly it is - and I'm so lucky because I can laugh and how wonderful is that.
Seriously though, it's a very odd feeling!
Another regular occurrence are the night sweats. I'm still waking up soaked, once or twice a night and  I have to change the whole of me and the bed - my days are very zombie like at the moment!  I'm used to sleepless nights, but this is making the fog and lack of concentration much more obvious.
Apart from writing it here on my blog, I don't mention my symptoms to anyone, because they simply wouldn't believe me!
So, if anyone is reading this (bless you) and it doesn't make much sense - please forgive me - it's just the fibro having fun 😱
If you've stayed with me this far - I hope you have a good and low pain weekend.
Be kind to yourself.
Namaste



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