It's a fine line .......

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It's New Year's Eve and I am sitting here alone, but not lonely. I have my memories and there are many- some good, some bad and I'm grateful for them. This one will not be in the 'good' list, as it is the first without my partner who passed away in September. It still doesn't seem possible that I'm never going to see him again, or hear his voice, or share a loving moment.
We always thought that I would be the first to go, as I had health problems and he had never been ill. He looked after me. Where I found the strength from to look after him and sit by his bedside day after day, knowing that he was dying, I don't know, but someone was holding my hand. Watching him take his last breath, arranging the funeral, informing people - it was as if I was watching someone else - it couldn't be happening to me.
I'm so grateful that I was able to look after him and be there for him, but I feel sad that he'll never be there for me again - no one will and that is a thought I daren't dwell upon.
My Fybro symptoms have changed with my circumstances and I now have night sweats, unexplained bruises, and headaches. Even my IBS has a new routine. I'm trying to eat and have a little exercise and my cat motivates me in the mornings. She misses him too.
There are many who understand what I am going through, with grief and with the fibro and I feel for you all. May the new year bring you peace and low pain.
My love and best wishes to you all x


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