A Lonely Pain!

I ask myself often, 'how does anyone have the right to judge me when they haven't walked a day in my shoes?', and I have to admit that I have selfishly wished someone could, just for a few hours on a bad flare day, so they might understand a little of what we go through.  

It is difficult to feel someone else's pain, but it shouldn't be so hard to care, especially if it's a loved one. It feels very lonely, living with a chronic illness, especially when we're unable to do the things that people expect of us. My life was very full before the fibro' hit and I've had to let go, bit by bit, of all the things I loved to do, including my work. When I was first diagnosed, it was a shock to realize that this illness could change my whole life. I lived alone, had two children at university, a mortgage. It was an epic year in other ways for me, as my mum had a massive heart attack and I was told that I needed a serious operation. Life or Death, I was told. How much in a year can life throw at you? 

When I look back, I still wonder how I gained the strength to deal with it. 

My consultant told me that most of his patients with Fibromyalgia have certain things in common - childhood trauma; a need to be perfect; abuse in their lives; and are usually warm, sensitive people. 

We get on with our lives and don't talk about these 'things'; we hide them and feel ashamed, but our body, eventually, has to find a way of dealing with it and it comes out in illness. Does that mean it's all 'in the mind?'. 

One thing I do know, is that the pain isn't; the exhaustion isn't; the IBS isn't - and an emphatic No, I am not mad either!!

I'm sorry for this little rant - I'm still smiling, as always 😊